I‘m too slow to keep up (Computers are for younger people)
I’ll find a way to overcome (I’ll just have to figure it out)
2
I’m different (They didn’t like me because I have an accent)
I fit-in easily (They like that I joked about my accent)
3
I make bad choices (I gave them money without considering details)
I think things through (I chose a different route)
4
I don’t measure up (I failed because I’m just not not good at it)
I easily succeed (Yes, I failed and here’s what I learned)
5
I’m going to be abandoned/rejected (That’s why I always walk in the back of the group)
I’ll will be asked to join-in (I went right to the person in front and started talking)
6
I’m immoral (I don’t feel bad even though they got hurt
I’m honorable (It seemed like the right thing to do)
7
I’m going to fail even if I try (It’s so boring and I suck at it so why bother?)
I’m going to succeed if I try (I won’t finish if I don’t start)
8
Something’s wrong with me (I never measured up to their expectations)
I’m perfectly fine as I am (I succeeded despite their issues)
9
I’m toxic (I talked them into it, but then they left)
I’m wholesome (They come to me on their own)
10
I’m stupid (That’s why the tutoring didn’t help)
I’m very smart (The tutor gave me the help I needed)
11
I must suffer to receive love (If I hold her accountable she’ll leave)
Love is unconditional (I have boundaries)
12
My opinions are not wanted (Saying something won't help)
My ideas help (I contribute when I speak)
13
I’m inadequate for most things (I was embarrassed because I’m not good enough)
I can figure it out somehow (I’ll get some help and find a way)
14
I have to earn their acceptance (They didn’t like me from the very beginning)
I get along with most people (They like me but I didn’t go to meetings, that’s why they fired me)
15
I deserve bad things to happen to me. (Rich people are either lucky or immoral)
I created good outcomes (Taking risks usually work out well for me)
Scores will appear below after you click the button.
YOUR SCORE FOR COMPETENCE:
YOUR SCORE FOR LOVABLE:
YOUR SCORE FOR WORTHY:
COMPETENCE
Belief of one’s impact on outcomes through mastery.
Range
Coping Behaviors / Reality
Example of Automatic Thoughts
5-20
Seeks perfectionism, depends on others for reassurance and motivation (extrinsic reward). Risk is vulnerable. (proclivity for anxiety)
“If I make a mistake I will fail.” “I need to hide, repress, and deny this negative part of myself.” [Draws heavily from cognitive distortions.]
21-35
Able to feel intrinsic reward. Is self-motivated if given some reassurance
“I think I can do it.” [Draws from cognitive distortions only under duress.]
36-50
Can act autonomously and equates self-motivation with intrinsic reward.
“I look forward to getting started.” [Is annoyed by cognitive distortions.
Competence: Belief in one’s impact on outcomes through mastery of skills. This is usually seen in our career, academics, hobbies, and general skill level at activities we’ve learned over the course of our life. At one end of the spectrum, we may believe we are accomplished and valued by others at work. At the other end of the spectrum, we may believe that we have little to contribute to our jobs, school, or activities with others because we lack skills or abilities.
Lovable
Capable of obtaining desired intimacy and attention.
Range
Coping Behaviors / Reality
Example of Automatic Thoughts
5-20
Avoidant attachment in relationships, socially isolates, questions need.
“If I’m friendly, I’ll be rejected.” “I need to hide, repress, and deny this negative part of myself.” [Draws heavily from cognitive distortions.]
21-35
Able to have moderately close relationship. Close circle of friends. Can be undermined by competition with others, cliques, and criticism.
“I struggle sometimes but marriage and friendships are mostly good.] [Draws from cognitive distortions only under duress.]
36-50
Conflicts are few and well navigated. Genuine closeness and warmth
“It seems so easy for us when we’re together.” [Is annoyed by cognitive distortions.]
Lovability: The ability to experience desired intimacy and attention with others. The quality of our close relationships is where this kind of self-esteem appears most. At one end of the spectrum, we may believe we have much to offer others in close relationships and can maintain healthy boundaries while meeting the needs of others. At the other end of the spectrum, we may believe that we must earn the love of others because we don’t deserve love without first obtaining someone else’s approval.
Worthy
Attributes significance of self to others as valuable and moral
Range
Coping Behaviors / Reality
Example of Automatic Thoughts
5-20
Reliant but anxious in relationships, works hard not to be a burden to others. Struggles with regulating emotions. (proclivity for depression)
“I don’t want to be a bother.” “I need to hide, repress, and deny this negative part of myself.” [Draws heavily from cognitive distortions.]
21-35
Healthy independence, strives but occasionally struggles for moral action while learning from negative outcomes.
“It might not work out but I’ll learn and keep trying.” [Draws from cognitive distortions only under duress.]
36-50
Balanced self-sufficiency, honorable, integrity-based behaviors, reliable, and highly principled.
“I believe there’s a way we can all benefit.” [Is annoyed by cognitive distortions.]
Worthiness: Our sense of moral and ethical direction in life. The perception we have of our own life direction and how we contribute to others and the world in general. This may include a spiritual drive or connection to a higher power. At one end of the spectrum, we may believe that we are highly moral and follow a set of behaviors that make the world a better place for all. At the other end of the spectrum, we may believe we have little to offer, that life is meaningless, and we have no purpose beyond immediate needs.
Do your answers from the quiz surprise you? Your self-esteem plays a role in your life including relationships, work, health, and overall happiness. If low self-esteem in any area is causing you issues I'd like to learn more about your situation and how I can help. Please use the contact form below to get started.
